Ever heard of Comparison Benchmarking? It is frustrating, demotivating, and it goes like this:
“I’m not as far along as I should be”
This common lie pervades the minds of people of all ages, making them feel inadequate and unworthy. It is called Comparison Benchmarking.
“I’m a senior this year, I SHOULD be a starter by this point.”
“I’m 14 I SHOULD be taller, hairier, and look like a man by now!”
“I've been working out for 6 months I SHOULD be faster and able to lift heavier weights!"
“I’m 21 and going into my senior year I SHOULD know what I want to do with the rest of my life.”
“I’m 12 I SHOULD be more confident and sure of myself like Johnny or Sarah, but I struggle.”
"I should be skinnier, prettier, more athletic, better under pressure..."
Have you ever noticed how a 2 year old who cannot yet walk by him or herself never says, “I’m 2! I should be able to walk by now! Look at Tommy from daycare, he’s a machine!”
Isn't it interesting how 2 years olds always end up getting there eventually and in the meantime, they don't spend ever day disappointed, upset, and frustrated with their progress?
How about this…the only thing you or I “should be” at this point is smart and mature enough to know that comparison to a standard or to others is UNWISE, wildly unhelpful, and that we should stop doing it!
So if it’s so dumb and we all know it, why do we do this to ourselves?
1. We never question ANYTHING! We never question the societal norms that we’ve learned.
Who decided on these arbitrary bench marks anyway? What if you became the leader who started setting your own goals and your own benchmarks for your life instead of using someone else’s?
2. We falsely think that getting to that benchmark would make us happy (yeah right, we all know poor people who are 10X happier than most people)
3. To protect ourselves from further embarrassment- we think, “people are already thinking I am behind anyway, if I get ahead of their comments and judgement and call it out myself, it’ll protect my pride.”
What’s the solution?
Jordan Peterson is a famous speaker who wrote the book The 12 Rules for Life. Rule #4 states, “Compare Yourself To Who You Were Yesterday, Not To Who Someone Else Is Today.”
Can you do that? Can you battle against a culture that you know is wrong 90% of the time anyway?
Can you set your own targets and begin measuring yourself against who you were yesterday and how far you’ve come?
Aim at something attainable and fulfilling, and watch how you thrive mentally, emotionally, and physically!
Dedicated to your success,
Coach Andrew Simpson
P.S. This motivational message was read with all student-athletes at PFP this week. We believe in the power of shared learning, asking open ended questions to our students, and getting them to think about things in a way they never have before. If you want your child to experience true transformation on and off the field, click here to start your journey with a Success Session.
